Things Lost In The Fire


Where's the exit? 
Is there an end in sight? 
Holding my head up high, but it's not working. 
I just want to run away.

(( thoughts that used to consume my mind ))

Now, I consider those things lost in the fire. I mostly embrace feelings as learning experiences and not darkness or hopelessness. I think I have learned well enough that suffering is necessary... whether they are man-made or self-made; it's life. Suffering is part of joy. Our ego gets cracked open. Shattered, really. Our feet are pointed into a direction we most definitely don't see coming. More often than not, for me at least, it takes away everything I thought I wanted and usually shows me the truth of what is needed.  

Here lately, my suffering is directly related to ME choosing not to surrender some areas of my life that I'd still like to control or "figure out." 

An apology I believe I deserve. 
An explanation I desperately need. 
A "why?" answered. 
A "but, wait.."

This week, I have been challenged with the reality of if I am suffering, feeling anxious, stressed, worried, confused and more... it's because I'm either trying to exist in the future too much or not surrendering to acceptance of things in the past. 
I don't know about you but I suck at acceptance sometimes... especially when my heart was beyond passionate or in love with someone or an idea. 

The idea of surrendering to the above, to allow them to burn in the fire and become lost feel horribly detrimental to my heart. 

Yet, is it? 

The rope I'm holding onto with these things has dragged me long enough. The rope has given me bloody knees, bruised body, and needs to be ripped from my grip. 

To let go. 
To pause. 
Remember, God is good. 
To surrender to the rope. 
Gracefully release. 
Focus on small, enjoyable moments. 

So, like I did for a few weeks, I will continue to take myself to places unknown and to places off the beaten path and to my "special places" where I'm alone and allowed to be free. 

I want to be open to receiving the small, quaint blessings that life offers. I want to keep growing. I want to keep walking down corridors that I find new and amazing and that often leave me breathless in awe of how I wound up there. 

I want to continue to lose things in the fire within so that I can emerge from the ashes with a new view, a lesson that chiseled away at a heart that is learning to beautifully let go. 

If I am just now feeling a sense of finding my way home - I don't want my lessons to stop. I don't want to stop looking within. I don't want to miss a single moon or star I so endlessly love. I don't want to stop challenging the unhealed parts that show their glimpse from time to time. 

My human and I have been on a journey home - and we will welcome the paths that will eventually land us there. 

Here's to the fires and all those things lost. 







 

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