4 Word Stories

 


Words. 


Why do we fall for them? 


Why do we allow them to carry so much weight? 


Why do the shortest combinations of them hit us like bullets? 


I used to see the value in words. In fact, they carried entirely too much validation in my world. And then, well, I’m not sure what happened other than maybe healing… but, they stopped weighing so much and I began to question them more and more. 


I look at them and now weigh them against a persons actions. What I have learned the past three months - I don’t like this new behavior. And here’s why:


When actions don’t line up with words my heart SCREAMS at me to SEE but the hope in me fights my heart… my hope SCREAMS, “wait, NO, their words said…” 

And the above, left my heart shattered yesterday. How does someone just turn you off like a light switch without a second thought? Months of words and no action and my stupidity led me to become a switch. 


And here’s the thing, I’ve always been an open book about my life. And today, I find myself feeling hopeless. Angry. Angry that all the years I invested in two areas of my life are left empty. That nothing mattered. The changes. The actions. The accomplishments. 

Why? 

Why do these prayers go unanswered. 

Why do these people hate me? 

Why am I not good enough? 

Am I that ugly? 

Am I that horrible? 

What did I do? 

Why do they not love me back? 


Why did God ignore my heart and my desires? 

I love God. Yet, in this chapter, this chapter pisses me off. And the only thing I can do, well that I’m told to do is praise Him in the unknown. In the questions. In the pain. To trust him. 

If I’m honest, I don’t think I can do that this time. And that has to be okay for today. My heart has turned angry. 


And yes, I have some amazing blessings in my life right now. I get that. I really do. But, the things my heart wanted the most… well, those bring me an unbearable amount of sadness, today. 

So, why are four word stories the saddest? 

Maybe because they are the most broken. I’ll leave you with mine….

I wasn’t good enough. 

Justify with another lie. 

I loved you more. 

Loneliness mercilessly suffocates hope. 

And lastly,

She still had hope. 


The very thing that distinguishes us both is that I wouldn’t hesitate to choose you in every lifetime but you wouldn’t even choose me in this one. And although I gave you my flesh and bones I cannot love you into loving me. So there you are overflowing with my love and here I am pleading for a droplet of yours or whatever I could salvage. But there must come a time where to grieve someone, hurts a lot less than forcing them to be a part of you. And I know I should not beg for love but just once I wanted someone to be afraid of losing me. 

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