Garbage, Landfills and Humans
. wasted or spoiled food and other refuse, as from a kitchen or household.
. a thing that is considered worthless or meaningless.
Yuck, right? Also, kinda sad.
Landfill:
. a place to dispose of refuse and other waste material by burying it and covering it over with soil..
Hmm.. burying, covering up.
Both definitions are loaded and most definitely not ideal. I don't think there is one person who enjoys the smell of garbage and/or the looks of it! If I'm wrong, please let me know.
Garbage is everywhere. It decorates the streets you drive on every day. Adorns the parks our little humans play in. Hang like ornaments in trees. Crumpled pieces of paper delicately dancing in the wind. Being the Americans we are today, we keep chugging right along. Dancing the cycle of life with the floating piece of paper.
Speaking of which, how many times have you crumpled up a piece of paper and tossed it? Me? Quite a lot. Most of the time not even thinking twice! How many times have you cringed when passing a trash can on a walk or a house that's abandoned? If you're honest you'll probably admit to a few choice words running through your mind in those moments as well.
Imagine taking a walk on a nice day which also happens to be trash day. Replace the trash cans at the end of the driveways with humans. Would you still think those thoughts about the smell and how they should clean up, etc? Or would there be compassion?
Bear with me.
I had this moment where garbage and crumpled paper took on another meaning.
I realized I have been that piece of paper. Unwanted for whatever reason. Tossed. I also realized I've been a landfill. Stinky. Full of trash. Where people try to cover/bury the junk up but to no avail.
Ugh. Can you imagine this with me?
I've been filled with lies about myself. I've told myself lies. I've allowed others to crumple me up on more than one occasion. I have believed lies from the world about how I should look and what I should weigh. How I should feel. All of which resulted in my not so great moments. You know, those moments that hurt even thinking about. The ones that nearly killed you. The ones that taste like razors, so sharp and deadly.
The trash has been piling up for years and years. So long, in fact, you are unaware of just how stinky you are and just how distorted your thoughts have become. Because just like us, dancing life with the floating piece of paper, we've become accustomed. That is, until you allow love to enter. For me, that was God and sobriety. That is when my landfill started to become clean, if you will.
One by one the lies were being torn apart. Ripped out of me. New beliefs were being planted. My worth was being formed. If an attempt was made to pour into my landfill full of trash I was very slowly learning how to fight back. I became aware. Awake. Most importantly, I could smell again. Once the first flower popped up the aroma was sweeter than chocolate to me, I no longer enjoyed the smell I was so comfortably used to.
The hardest part was accepting my worth. Tears often fill my eyes while looking in the mirror. Some days I have to fight with myself to believe my worth. For me, not being a landfill is foreign territory. I know it's crazy. I lived years and years letting people throw me around, I chased beliefs in the world to find a seed worth of hope. To wake up and be free, wow. To look in the mirror and know if no one else cares, God does. He is more than enough. He restored me. He made my landfill into a garden! Butterflies and bees! Wow. No more roaches crawling around, flies hoovering.
My thoughts were and are being made new. I sometimes don't even recognize myself. I'd love to say that all the garbage is out but I'd be lying. So when the moments come where I vomit some stinky trash out, I welcome them. I feel refreshed. I am at peace in that moment knowing my God is still repairing me with gold just like kintsukuroi.
I'd like to remind you, we are all like garbage. We all have a belief about ourself that isn't quite right and a tad stinky. The next time you take a walk or drive and see a trash can please replace it with a human and remember that as stinky as they may be, compassion and empathy go a long way. God does it for us every single, stinking day.
With love.
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