Ups, Downs, Life, Sobriety

Haunted by the distant past. It is crazy how quick the past rears its ugly head. We are pulling off the interstate at the Kearney exit. We pull into a gas station. I get out of the car. I start walking to the door and with a quick glance to the right – the car. The car I've been in. The car I've been sick in. The car I escaped pain in. The car I used to run to when I wanted to forget. There it is. I glance away. Please don't remember them nor the memories. I grab the handle to the door to enter the gas station and suddenly it feels heavier than I ever remembered. I walk to the bathroom with my head down. I pray. I beg. The memory is so alive in that moment I can barely breathe. The bathroom is how I remembered. That same bathroom I used to cry in. The same bathroom, the same mirror. Washing my hands couldn't be more of a race. Then, I look up. I see me. I see the change. The weight that never was there before in that bathroom. The eyes that are ali...

Isn't timing the most absurd concept to you? Really, think about it. I can't even count to the number of how many times I've been told, "it isn't time", "when the timing is right", "in time", "everything happens exactly when it's meant to be"... Shall I go on? Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that at one point in "time" we all want to scream at the person in front of us saying this most absurd phrase! I'm guilty. On the other side, I am not so sure I can count how many times I may have mentioned similar words to someone in a valley causing them to want to scream at me! The irony! Anyway, this past month I have been anything but a fan of time. In fact, building time Machines is a frequent conversation in my home right now. My son swears that if Avengers End Game can build a time machine - his mom can build one too, flattering, I know. Impossible, yes. Yet, the idea, the dream of being able to, the ...

Community and Fellowship. When I see those words typed out I see wholeness. I feel calmness. Then, after pondering, I feel heavy and see division. Random post, I know. So allow me to step back in time (earlier this week) and explain what brought this to fruition! Like any other day I stopped at "my gas station" - we all have our favorite one, don't lie! I proceeded to get a fountain pop which is a self treat and got in line, like everyone else. Only this time not so normal. We all waited for quite a long time while two new employees were changing shifts. Key word, new. While this was happening, my mind is going over every new job I've had and the endurance that comes along with such a venture. Of course, with those thoughts come patience and understanding and probably some sympathy. Let me pause here. We've all been in a situation that has required us to learn something new. Right? Absolutely! Remember this as we go on. The lady at the forefront o...

Sirens, wind, hail and uncertainty. The big question mark behind these moments in time quickly arouse anxiety, fear and worry for some. Yet, for others, their adrenaline pumps vicariously through their veins! They are the ones standing outside, chasing storms without an ounce of worry and some type of awkward joy. I think the one thing all of us can relate to whether we are the ones chasing the storm or the ones overly prepared for the sirens is the devastation that can always occur which is why each party has a plan. So, let's explore the storm. We may not always see devastation or walk away with physical bruises yet we all in some way will carry a bruise afterwards. Construction workers loose ground and days. Farmers loose days of work and crops, etc. Gardens are affected, flowers wilted. Strays left cold and seeking shelter. Children loosing sleep with their parents comforting them. Pilots flying in adverse conditions. Drivers having to pull over or slippery roads. Even...

Garbage:  . wasted or spoiled food and other refuse, as from a kitchen or household. . a thing that is considered worthless or meaningless.  Yuck, right? Also, kinda sad.  Landfill:  . a place to dispose of refuse and other waste material by burying it and covering it over with soil..  Hmm.. burying, covering up.  Both definitions are loaded and most definitely not ideal. I don't think there is one person who enjoys the smell of garbage and/or the looks of it! If I'm wrong, please let me know.  Garbage is everywhere. It decorates the streets you drive on every day. Adorns the parks our little humans play in. Hang like ornaments in trees. Crumpled pieces of paper delicately dancing in the wind. Being the Americans we are today, we keep chugging right along. Dancing the cycle of life with the floating piece of paper. Speaking of which, how many times have you crumpled up a piece of paper and tossed it? Me? Quite a lot. Most of the time no...

Can we just speak about Joseph for a minute?! Wowza! This dude, excuse the slang, had an amazing attitude considering his circumstances. We're talking about sibling rivalry, slavery, and prison. Could you imagine? Any and all who know me would vouch for me kicking and screaming and holding a turnip into the sky towards my Lord! Why AND where are you?! I suppose if I were to be honest, I do that now! Circumstances in my world are FAR from what Joseph went through. We owe Joseph a huge thanks for setting the bar. And man did he ever set one. Thanks a lot Joseph! You guys, the more I think of his story the more I am in awe of him. And here's why: Potiphar's wife tried to set him up and he bolted. Just like that, gone! Would you have run? Or would you have put up a fight? Bucked up, perhaps? During slavery, Joseph committed to being the best slave he could be. Seriously? I have been in situations that felt like slavery and boy did I fight. Not only did I...

May I relish for a moment on this simple, yet loaded word? Pause. Yes, thank you! For some, this type of establishment is associated with books, research projects, kid activities, etc. Libraries are great to have in a community. For me, my library became a constant form of hope in a shaking, troubling time. I knew every day walking to and from work it would be on the corner. I knew every day that opening the doors would come with the same smiles. I knew that every day whether they wanted to or not they engaged in conversation with me. Those bits of encouragement would usually leave  tears in my eyes. I knew every day when leaving, the brick building on the corner, it would be there again tomorrow. Same women. Same smiles. I knew the next day when opening those heavy doors they would have the exact book I would need to "escape" in. Weird, isn't it? How could a library have such a role in my journey? Well, these ladies loved me, maybe, regardless they were ...