Ups, Downs, Life, Sobriety

Haunted by the distant past. It is crazy how quick the past rears its ugly head. We are pulling off the interstate at the Kearney exit. We pull into a gas station. I get out of the car. I start walking to the door and with a quick glance to the right – the car. The car I've been in. The car I've been sick in. The car I escaped pain in. The car I used to run to when I wanted to forget. There it is. I glance away. Please don't remember them nor the memories. I grab the handle to the door to enter the gas station and suddenly it feels heavier than I ever remembered. I walk to the bathroom with my head down. I pray. I beg. The memory is so alive in that moment I can barely breathe. The bathroom is how I remembered. That same bathroom I used to cry in. The same bathroom, the same mirror. Washing my hands couldn't be more of a race. Then, I look up. I see me. I see the change. The weight that never was there before in that bathroom. The eyes that are ali...

Isn't timing the most absurd concept to you? Really, think about it. I can't even count to the number of how many times I've been told, "it isn't time", "when the timing is right", "in time", "everything happens exactly when it's meant to be"... Shall I go on? Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that at one point in "time" we all want to scream at the person in front of us saying this most absurd phrase! I'm guilty. On the other side, I am not so sure I can count how many times I may have mentioned similar words to someone in a valley causing them to want to scream at me! The irony! Anyway, this past month I have been anything but a fan of time. In fact, building time Machines is a frequent conversation in my home right now. My son swears that if Avengers End Game can build a time machine - his mom can build one too, flattering, I know. Impossible, yes. Yet, the idea, the dream of being able to, the ...